Wednesday 11th November 1998

Some thoughts' I've been having...

on peanut butter: when you've finished the jar of peanut butter, because you havn't got a container for your sugar and it's just in a bag, you can clean the peanut butter jar really well, keep the lid, and when you've dried it (it must be 100% dry mind) you can pour the sugar into the jar and use it as a sugar jar.

on being a gansta: being a gansta' might be neat, coz' you get a mobile fone and a flash car. but ya' gotta' have a gang, so i guess that rules me out, coz' to be a real gansta' you got to have a load of people stand round you and make you look good, coz' the way you stand makes you look like your the gang leader. oh, and ya' gotta' do bad things too, or at least look like you're up to bad things, but no-one has to see you doing it, coz' you could just be talking to someone on a mobile fone about it, or you could get some of your gang members to do the really bad things, down dark alleys and stuff, where they don't necessarily have to be seen. but they do ring you and then you say 'did you get the job done?' and they say 'yeah, we got the job done.' Or maybe that's just in films.

on cola: why do Tesco have this many different 'own-brand' cola's "TESCO Sparkling Cola"(49p), "TESCO Diet Sparkling Cola"(49p), "TESCO Value Diet Cola"(22p), "TESCO Cola"(89p), "TESCO DIET COLA"(89p)?

The Tesco super-market trolley's still on our floor, although it's been moved to the end, near the stairs that no-one really goes to. Please email me if you want to know where it is if you want it back. Do you think they count how many trolleys they have? So they know when trolleys have gone missing? Or do you think they just order trolleys every month, "Yeah, can ya send ten more trolleys, along with that big order of TESCO Cola, yeah and can ya' get someone to change all the labels before they get here, we had a hell of a job changing them all last month."

Nah, sorry, I know that they do taste a bit different, the 22p stuff tastes okay, and the 49p (non-diet) tastes really really weird!

on a more serious note, i've had a not fun week so far, it's real depressing, and i feel that i have to censor this now, which is not what these pages were about, they were about real life, and what's really happening with me, and it's real disappointing that i feel this about this now. maybe i will just ignore the 'feeling' that i have that it should be censored, and just get on with it.

it's kinda not fun being reminded of your past sometimes, coz' what you dealt with once, and thought was just part of your dark history, something you would not need to talk about again, is kinda depressing when you're brought to a point where your asked to ask yourself questions about it again. maybe i'm dwelling on it too much, but in some ways part of that dark past was brought on by loneliness, and thinking on it again seems to make you realise that you're lonely now. Whereas not thinking about it, would have meant that I would not have felt lonely.

I know I'm never alone, coz' God is always with me and stuff, but knowing that, I think I'd still feel a bit lonely on a deserted island. Which is what huddersfield feels like some of the time.