Sunday, 23rd August 98


I can’t really remember much of today, as nothing really eventful happened. But I do know what has happened in the days before this day that led me to do what I did today.

You probably may already be aware of the 20th of August 98 being the date of this years A level results, and because of that, I found out that I got a D (in Computing) and an E (in General Studies). This was deeply disappointing, and out of all the people I know, I got the worst results. It wasn’t due to lack of intelligence, but it was due to complete laziness, on my behalf : I spent the two years of my college life trying to do as little as possible.

Even though my grades were to be expected, and I can still get in to university doing a HND in computing (rather than the preferred degree) I still feel deeply disappointed with myself for letting this happen.

Another thing that happened, was that I left work on Saturday, yesterday, and I feel… I don’t know… as though a piece of me is missing.

I went out on the Saturday evening, after attempting to go to the pictures with some friends and that falling through, I ended up at someone’s house. It was an ‘A level bash’ where we were meant to celebrate our results. After I had finished asking / answering questions about grades and what such and such a person is going to do, I left. The reason why I left, apart from my appalling grades, was because I didn’t know anyone there, I knew who they were, and they knew who I was and what I looked like, but they didn’t know me. I may have once known them and they may have once known me, or maybe I have never known anyone, nor do now. So all in all I have three things to feel unhappy about – well four, but I won’t mention that now.

So I decided to have a laid back day today and relax, watch a bit of television, read some magazines and use the computer.

The day ended with two films, directed by the same guy, and both starring Matt Dillon, called ‘To Die For’ and ‘Drugstore Cowboy’. I have always liked Matt Dillon, who’s name ranks up there with James Dean and Marilyn Monroe, for ‘coolness’.

I think it’s probably something to do with him being a hero, or at least aspiring to be one. I suppose that’s what life is about, trying to be a hero, in some way, just going on and living through the next day makes you one.


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